Rejected: List: Wii Games for the Bookish and Asthmatic
Wii Games for the Bookish and Asthmatic
David Hart
- Zelda’s friend, John Myronas, 13th Century Scribe
- Wario’s Careful Archeological Excavation
- The Adventures of Samrab, the wizard whose dangerous potions must be
slowly mixed
- Double-Check Those Quadratics
- Shhh! Nap Masters
- Quietly Read with John Hodgman
- Crochet Time!
Rejected Writing: Sam Mendes’ Suburban House is For Sale
Sam Mendes’ Suburban House is For Sale
Available Now! 5 Bedroom, 3 bathroom colonial with good bones that
will slowly drive a wedge in any family. 2 car garage roomy enough for
workspace or for just sitting in your car weeping quietly to yourself
as you consider the fleeting nature of life and your increasingly
limited options for change. Great light throughout, shining a harsh
spotlight on the overwhelming deterioration of time. Sunroom, dining
room, large living room perfect for having loud arguments about the
cold, dispassionate state of your union, for hurtling insults or small
pieces of furniture along with accusations of infidelty. Master
bedroom with jet bath suitable for relaxing or for engaging in drunken
and insignificant compulsory physicality that results in unwanted and
drastically neglected children. Close to major transportation to city,
providing excuses for affairs while “working late” and for creating a
sense of quiet and soul-crushing isolation for housewives. Sizable
back yard great for entertaining with lengthy parties that devolve
into torrid orgiastic tempests of disgrave, indignity, and pathetic
flirtation with neighbors/family.
This deal, much like your marriage and your life, WON’T LAST!!
New washer/dryer included.